5.11.2013

just you wait.

"i'll never, ever marry," she said, 
as she sat on the worn wooden floor
with her curly brown head in her mother's lap.
she was 4, and the thought of leaving her mother
and father, who were as necessary to her as air
that filled her lungs, was unthinkable.
"i'm going to stay here, all my life, in the same room,
with the same sheets on my bed, and lacy curtains."
her mother smiled. "what if we move someday? what
will you do then?"
"we won't move," the child said simply. "we never have before."
the mother smiled, and pulled her fingers through the child's
nest of wind-blown curls and wispy flyways. 
her daughter's lacy nightgown tickled her feet
and the eyes that gazed into the distance were large
and full of dreams.
"just you wait, child," was all she said.

"i'll never marry," the 10 year old said,
as she laid her head on the faded white pillow
that had been made by her grandmother many years ago.
"why are you so sure about that?" her mother asked,
smoothing the quilt, and kissing her daughter's forehead.
"because people don't know how to really love,
so why should they get married?"
"do you know how to love?" the mother asked,
curious to hear the thoughts on such a weighty subject. 
"i don't know. maybe one day i'll find out."
"and if you do find out you know how to love,
will you still decide not to get married?"
the girl was silent. "i don't know, Mama. 
love isn't something to be commanded, or called.
it just has to come, and it has to be right."
"i can't argue with that," the mother said, smiling in the dark.
but in her head, she was thinking,
just you wait, child.

"i'm never getting married," the 16 year old sobbed,
as she cried out all her tears on her mother's shoulder.
tears caused by someone who was loved and 
cherished dearly.
someone who had walked out forever. 
"i know i've said it before, but i mean it now. it isn't worth it."
the mother was silent. she was older now; grey hairs had mingled
with the brown ones and the skin around her eyes was wrinkled and tired.
"i said that before i met your father," she said, softly caressing
the curly head.
"i had many heart-breaks; or what i thought was heartbreak. you'll
fall for someone many times, darling, but when you meet the right one,
love will be worth it, i promise." 
"maybe, Mama. some people find true love, but i don't believe i ever will."
"just you wait, child," the mother whispered. "just you wait."

"i can't believe i'm getting married," the 22 year old said softly
as she sat again at her mothers knee with her head in her lap.
"i said i never would over and over. i can't grasp the thought 
of leaving you, and this life forever."
tears gathered in the eyes of the mother, but she smiled.
"you aren't leaving me, child. you never will. your love 
has blossomed and grown, but the roots of your love will
always be here, with us, in this house with the faded sheets,
light strewn hallways and rooms jam packed with memories."
"you were right," her daughter said, after a moments silence.
"you always said, "just you wait", like you knew."
the mother smiled. "i didn't know. i just know how
the heart sometimes denies what it most longs for,
and turns away from what it needs the most. 
love is one of those things. it can make you weak,
or it will make you strong. if you've found the right kind, 
it will always make you strong."

//mikailah lefevre//

11 comments:

  1. mikailah, this...this was just amazing. it really opened up my eyes. x

    ReplyDelete
  2. if you don't publish this i will puncture you with loki's glowstick of destiny.
    no but srsly, this about made me cry.
    because though i've alllwayssssssss wanted to get married, i've experienced and thought and felt a lot of these things.
    so yeah, bookmarking this.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yes. the glowstick of destiny. i'll have to remember that. couldn't have Loki getting angry at me. ;)

      thanks, girl. <3

      Delete
  3. WOW. This is amazing. I'm speechless!
    Love you girl :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Wowowowow! This is AMAZING! You have talent, girl!

    ReplyDelete
  5. I don't even know...like...wow...I am so blown away. Holy moly fricken rollies.

    I'm sharing this on my blog's FB page...just fyi;)

    Love you, sweet girl. <3
    This was truly beautiful.

    ReplyDelete
  6. This is beautiful, Mikailah! I don't really have the words to say how much I love it. :)
    Like Jocee said, please publish it. ;)

    Lindsey

    ReplyDelete
  7. oh my. oh my, my, my. so beautiful. please publish it.
    x

    ReplyDelete
  8. Okay, now I shall cry. :)
    This is so, so, so, beautifully sweet! I just LOVE it. Amazing. Thanks so much. :D

    ReplyDelete
  9. This is SO beautiful, Mikailah. My goodness, you are such a gifted writer. truly. amazing. brilliant. ah, I love you. :D

    ReplyDelete

thanks for commenting, and sharing some love. ♥