9.16.2014

hello, goodbye

yesterday, for the first time in 4 years, i watched mum drive out the driveway without me on our yearly 'fall' trips to Ohio. the van packed, snacks and cds arranged conveniently, my suitcase brimming with long sleeve shirts and faded jeans, snuggled between the dinged guitar case and mom's suitcase. waiting for my arrival in 12 short days when dad and i fly out to meet her. the dog's head pressed firmly against my legs; a silent admission of relief as she realized that we were not all leaving her. she recognizes the promise of absence - sometimes more poignantly than we do, i think.

and today, i woke up to a broken pattern of lace, soft lines of pale yellow sunshine on my wall. the comforting scent of coffee hanging in the air, a promise heavy with remembrance and change. today feels like fall. the change has been sudden. just yesterday the heat clung to me like a heavy blanket, smothering all promises and discouraging any thoughts of golden leaves and knitted sweaters; refusing to acknowledge the fact that it's existence was almost over - that the life left in the golden sunbeams and yellow, tangled flowers had almost come to a close. summer is one of those seasons that seems endless to me. the lines between seasons are blurred, the transition just slow enough to escape notice until the earth has shed it's previous attire, and embraced the newness that appears without fail, year after year. an endless cycle of constancy. 

this year, the usual hesitation between seasons is absent. there is none of the familiar, gradual transition; fall didn't wait with bated breath for summer to give her last huzzah. goosebumps on arms, firelight flickering over chilled, freckled faces, and the shade that suddenly feels cold and unwelcoming. in an instant. overnight. without warning. it was like i woke up, and summer was over. it feels abrupt, harsh, shocking. but i know it's really not. after all, this transition happens every year. chills racing down my arms. cold (but familiar) fingers, chased by sputtering breaths of wind. fall brings change, they say, but really, it only brings what it has always brought; the reality of death with the promise of new life. maybe we're the ones who have changed. maybe what we see as change is only the difference in our perspective.

seasons waiting around just long enough for us to whisper "hello", before they're gone again, goodbyes cracking on our lips as we realize it's too late to bid farewell to the past. it's already gone.

7 comments:

  1. oh mah gosh. girl, your words!! {and your pictures are breathtaking} xx.

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  2. Yes, I found that fall came really suddenly, too. I kinda miss summer, and I never thought I'd say that because every past year, I hated summer, but now I've grown to appreciate it.

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  3. Amazing post <3 :)
    Check out my blog? Let me know what you think. :)

    Sammie
    sammiethestargirl.blogspot.com || Bloglovin

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  4. sigh... pictures...sounds and sensations.. all created with your words.. what a gift..my sweet girl.. I cant wait to see you.. in FOUR days!.
    Love you..
    Mum <3

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  5. Oh I hope fall treats you well. Spring is upon us here in Australia and the transition has been a lovely one. I hope the socks and scarves are warmly welcomed with you while I embrace the kimonos and denim shorts ;)

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  6. seasons waiting around just long enough for us to whisper "hello", before they're gone again, goodbyes cracking on our lips as we realize it's too late to bid farewell to the past. it's already gone. oh man. this is stunning. you are an incredible writer.

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thanks for commenting, and sharing some love. ♥